PERFECT
As a kid, I always wanted to be in a perfect family. You know, loving and supportive. A Norman Rockwell cover.
But when generational alcoholism reared its ugly head in my family, I was about 10, and that hope was lost.
So when I married, had children, I was determined to create “perfect” for my 2 kids. I loved and supported them for over 20 years. It was perfect.
But that perfection ended when I came out as gay at 60. It destroyed my family.
I’m sorry for them, that I just couldn’t hold perfect together.
The "perfect" family you provided for 20 years was real, but unfortunately, it came at the cost of your own identity. You gave your children two decades of love and support, which is a huge success, something to be so proud of, and that can never be taken from you.
Let that soak in.
I like to believe that one of many reasons why my family broke apart was because of the conditions placed on my identity, not solely by my decision to live authentically as a gay man. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had.
That so called perfection was at the cost of your true self and destined to end when the cost became too high. I have similar feelings about blowing up my wife’s perfect retirement plans after 35 years of marriage. It wasn’t fair to her but it wasn’t a choice. The ironic thing is that she was the one whose mistrust forced me to openly look at my true sexuality.