TRUST
Who really cares
2 years living, working in Mexico; at 64, as a newly out gay man – just 3 years.
I’m reminded I’m not Mexican, and not really gay, still struggling, transitioning from my “straight” life, to my “gay” existence.
As a professional chef, cooking teacher, philanthropist, international food tour operator. I’m unknown.
Personally, professionally, nobody really knows who I am, or cares (except for a very small number of confidants and allies).
I’ve always had trust issues. I spent 30 years in San Francisco making a name for myself. Nurturing a base of family, friends, colleagues and clientele. They no longer exist. And no one here knows of my history, backstory, and value.
Here, trying to fit in. I’ve made a huge effort, but I still don’t know who to trust. It’s an uphill climb, everyday. My existence here is temperamental.
I’m constantly being burned. And those who do, don’t even realize it, or know how profound it is for me.
I’m on my own.
So, really…what the fuck am I doing here? Anywhere?
No matter where you are, you are living your moment. Helping others to find their path. Teaching others to grow. Your life is brilliant and beautiful. Above all, your life is valuable.
You are a good person and a very skilled and competent professional. Being an expat is a huge transition on top of everything else you are dealing with. Have you really tossed away everyone from your life here? I find it hard to believe that your many friends would not be supportive. I truly hope you find your way to a happy and comfortable place. You’ve asked a lot of yourself emotionally and it must be exhausting. Sorry you are going through such a tough time.